Will I meet Carson Palmer??

Apparently, Carson Palmer reads my blog. Hi Carson!

Censored Post #2. People really are pissed. Sorry Carson, Mrs. Palmer, Jessie, Kara, and anyone else this offended.

The Bachelor

I must start by saying that I hate this show. But it's one of a few shows that we let the Kangasroo (female that lives in our basement) watch during the week. That being said, I have nothing else to do on a Monday night, so I've caught a few episodes. Since this is the first week I've ever paid attention, I only know two girls by name, the last two: Moana and Sara. Based on the interaction with his family, I don't know how he can't pick Sara...

Then I saw their two moms. Like many people, I've heard somewhere that you can tell how a woman will look in thirty years by checking out her mother. This has seriously worried me in some cases (and I'm not dropping names), and gotten me quite excited in others (ask and I might tell you). Moana's mom is HOT. Especially for the 45 to 55 age group. Smokin' hot. If she were on the show, she would have made it until at least the final 4. If the Bachelor met their moms, he's already picked Moana.

That being said, my pick, if I were the Bachelor...
Sara. Besides that fact that she's not the emotional nutcase that MOANa is, she's almost as cute, and [emphasis here] SHE'S FROM HIS HOMETOWN.

That's all I need: a girl that will not take me too seriously for the next few years and then will move back to Cincinnati with me, to live in the Banks.

This is NOT a single's ad. Please do not respond with solicitations.

Seriously, what are the chances that I will be on a show like this in 5 years??

Procrastinating Blogger

If anyone even still reads this, I apologize for the slow weekend. I think this is the first weekend since I started college that I did drink until I forgot my name. So I should have been blogging, right? I had a lot of work to do.

Friday night was dinner at Old Glory, the best BBQ in DC, followed by a 2 hour argument on why Bode Miller is happier winning the World Series of skiing than winning a gold at the Olympics. My argument: a professional athlete in the NBA, NHL, or MLB would much rather win their respective yearly league championship with the team that pays them mucho dinero than win a gold medal for their country once every four years. And it's not about the money. Their argument: crap.

My favorite Bode quote, at least for now: "Watch two animals play. Then ask yourself which of them is winning. Then laugh at yourself for asking such a stupid question, and go play."

Saturday, we learned of sad news. Mike's and Chris's grandfather passed away, and the boys have returned to Cincinnati to be with their family. Please keep them in your prayers.

My day was not exciting. Sunday followed suit. I did PR for a 4 mile run at 24:47.

Best part about this weekend was spending both nights in my own bed. First time in a while. Don't ask why.

My parents are worried about my brother, again. He got beat up my a 'roid head from a rival fraternity. Needless to say, neither his third nipple nor the eternal anger that burns inside that kid's stomach was enough to hold the frothing frat-dawg back. So Cory called the cops, and I think he may have Dave Read defend him in court. Why not?

Can I end this with another comment on the port security in the US? I will; it's my blog. Well for the first and only time, maybe ever, I have to agree 100% with President Bush. I think even the Schrimpfs agree with me. Mark it down. It will never happen again.

Eric Hicks: Another Bob Huggins Success Story

Eric Hicks is the man! What an incredible game last night! UC had a shot to beat the #2 team in the country as time expired. And all this with only 8 scholarship players, their leading scorer having fouled with 4:30 to go, and Eric Hicks playing on one sprained ankle and one wrecked ankle. I'm sure you know all that.

And to steal from my man, P-Doc, Eric Hicks is the toughest kid to play at UC since Erik Martin. Check out the column in the Enquirer. I truly believe that Eric Hicks is the reincarnation of Erik Martin. They are absolutely my favorite Bearcats of all time (next to the legend, Melvin Levett, of course). Hicks is carrying more on his back right now than most people would even want to pick up.

Let me get to my point...
Bob Huggins took a chance on this kid, like he did with Erik Martin (who he found playing pick-up games in a park) and most of the players he brought into our world. Some say that Huggs took too many risks. Too many of his players got into trouble with the team, with the school, and with the law. But that can happen anywhere. Look at Dedrick Finn at XU. But some people at UC didn't like the way he took so many risks. So they fired him.

But look at what he did for Eric Hicks, Erik Martin, and Kenyon Martin. XU probably wouldn't have taken a chance on guys like that. Most colleges wouldn't. They're thugs. Instead, XU recruits guys like Romain Sato, Johnny Wolf, and Josh Duncan. They all came from good backgrounds. They all would have graduated from college regardless of how well they played basketball. Huggs takes a chance and reaches out to kids in less fortunate situations. He doesn't do this out of charity. And obviously, he just wanted to win basketball games. But you can't tell me that he doesn't care about those kids and that he didn't fight his hardest to see each one graduate.

Because of Bob Huggins, we have been lucky enough to watch one success story after another. Somehow, this got him fired. Hire Andy Kennedy.

Facebook

It took me a while to get into facebook. And I still have a really hard time friending people (it feels better when they friend me). But never in my life did I ever think I would be de-friended by someone that was once my friend.

Just happened, twice. And it's probably because of the "offensive blog" that I voluntarily censored from over the weekend.

You know who you are, and I'm calling you out. I know you read the blog, so why don't you leave a comment and man up to it? I have a feeling you've done it before, you anonymous Bode-hater!!

Politics Update

The city and county finally have a deal to get the Banks project underway. And it's all thanks to John Cranley. He is the only one that ever gets anything done around there. I can't wait until he takes over for Chabot. In the meantime, I am glad to see they are looking for developers to buid my future home.

Though Cincinnati has no ports, people in the city are really getting excited about Bush's lack of approval on this apparently threatening deal. Since I found out about it yesterday morning, I have already heard from my mom, dad, Grandma, and even Tony Scherpenberg. Although I understand that most of Cincinnati seems to be upset with the situation, I can't believe they are whole-heartedly disagreeing with the President that they elected. Though my thoughts aren't exactly in line with the city that I hope to elect me someday, I feel that I may need to make my case... (and I'm stealing this from someone somewhere)...

The UAE is not considered a threat to America. If anything, they are an ally for establishing peace and democracy in the middle east. The fact that these ports were being run by a foreign company before (by another country we consider an ally) means that we should not treat the new company (and their country) any differently just because they speak another language or practice a different faith. In fact, any action on our part to prohibit or significantly delay this deal from going down might be perceived as a insult to Muslims and Arabs everywhere, even if they are already on our side. The last thing we need right now is to turn even more friends into enemies especially in that part of the world.

I think it's also great that President Bush will be in Cincinnati today to attend a fund-raising dinner in Indian Hill. He will be surrounding himself will die-hard conservatives, including Billy Cunningham, who might just have been pushed over the edge with Bush's incompentance. First, the increased spending, then the immigration policy, and now this port security fiasco. I have a feeling that Billy will have a few words to share with old W.

Anonymous bloggers

I have no problem with people criticizing my way of thinking (even when I'm always right), and I certainly don't mind if people post those criticisms (though wrong) on this blog. But if you're going to make such bold statements, at least man up to them and claim them for your own. This anonymous blogging just shows how weak your claims are and how afraid you are to back them up. Chris Schrimpf, this means you.

On the other hand, in response to the outrageous blog censorship, we will no longer be accepting emails, phone calls, or complaining behind everyone's back, with regards to blogs that people disagree with. If you have something to say, post a comment. Otherwise, don't complain, especially to me.

Sorry to sound so negative, but this Bode-hating gets me riled up.

Bode and Chad forever.

GREG KLING WINS POWERBALL!!!

I couldn't believe it when I saw it. He didn't win the whole thing. But he did match the first 5 numbers. That earns him about $667,000. His cousin, Scherpy, tells me that he will invest it with his family for his own future. Good idea. Better than my ideas: a) buy everyone in Cheviot a shot until the money runs out, b) give it to the city of Cincinnati to invest in the Banks and end the feud between City Council and the County Commissioners, or c) put it all on the Bengals to win the Super Bowl next year (24 to 1 odds, crazy enough) and then really cash in.

The best part about this story, is the quote from the article in the Enquirer: "He was sleeping when contacted Tuesday night by The Enquirer and declined to come to the phone, his brother Matt said." This is funny, because I know that Greg was hungover as hell from drinking at the Cheviot bars ever since he found out he had won the money. It's good to see that the money won't change the man.

Seriously, the next time I'm in Cheviot, the first round of Wild Turkey is on Greg.

Shani vs. Chad

If you have been watching the Olympics at all, you know that next to Bode, the Shani Davis vs. Chad Hedrick speedskating rivalry has been the biggest American news. I'm sure you would have seen it or at least read about it by now. If you don't know the story, just look for feuding speedskaters at espn.com.

My thoughts...
Shani is a bitch. He is what is wrong with America and all you Bode-haters. He cares too much about winning for himself and striving to be his personal best that he ends up hurting others and eventually himself. You Bode-haters have to agree with the way Shani has approached this Olympics. He stays away from the partying, stays out of the cold, and does everything he can to perform his best. In fact, he even skips the Opening Ceremony and refuses to race in the team relay (pursuits). Because of that, the US relay team didn't win gold. So naturally, Chad got pissed. Chad is part of the American speedskating team, and so is Shani. And Shani refused to race for the American team. He cares soooooo much about his personal success that he pushed aside the chance to win gold in the relay race. That hurt Chad, the rest of the team, and to an extent, all Americans hoping to see gold.

Don't blame Chad for the feud. He had every right to be pissed. If the Steelers lost the Super Bowl because Big Ben refused to play, the rest of the team has every right to be upset. So that's what Chad Hedrick did. The hostility that resulted became quite the distraction. It led to defeat for both of them last night as they finished 2 and 3, before putting on quite the show at the press conference. They both need to grow up. But I like the way Chad always smiles and laughs it off. Eerily similar to the way that Bode never smiles and always shrugs it off. Though very different personalities, they have similar philosophies.

As for Shani vs. Chad, I can't wait until 2010. I just hope that Nike really hypes it up, kind of like Reebok did with Dan vs. Dave back in '96.

I AM A BODEIST

I've gotten in at least 4 heated debates (one for each event he has missed the medal stand) in the past week about the Bode Miller philosophy to Olympic competition. I praise him as a quasi, new age prophet, who speaks the truth, lives the truth, and just enjoys life. Sure, he hasn't won medals yet, and you criticize him for it. But that just proves him right...

Bode on drinking...
He parties hard almost every night and does not refrain from partying late into the night before raceday. People criticize him for it (even though he has won more races and accomplished more than any American skier that you can name). People ask why he does it. The real reason: he loves to party. But he can't say that. So he gets drunk and comes up with other great ideas. 1) When he skies drunk/hungover, his body is not taking the time to think things through. It just acts on instinct. Thrust into a high-stress situation, his brain doesn't freak out. He just reacts. This helps when you're skiing. Sometimes, you don't have times to think everything out. 2) When he is drunk/hungover, he lets some of his inhibitions down. We all do this. It's the only way Chris Schrimpf will ever dance or meet girls. We've all been there. So Bode will take more risks. Some people risk driving home drunk. Bad idea. Bode risks skiing up to 60 mph down a steep hill. So far, it's paid off for him. By no means do I encourage kids to do this, and this is why Bode tries to keep to himself. I am just saying that he makes sense and he's having fun. Maybe that's because I'm drunk.

Bode on youth in America...
Bode does not want to spread the message that competing in athletics while drunk or hungover is good a thing. He will defend himself but does not want to promote this type of behavior. That said, Bode suggests that the real problem with America is the over-emphasis on winning, or coming in first place. Too many kids will quit sports or exercise because they are not the best or cannot compete on the highest levels. Therefore, they go home, sit on the couch, play video games, and get fat. We can all think of people who have done this. Yet the media (and those that debate me) insist that this is just a cop-out in case he doesn't win a medal. Well, he isn't winning medals. He is disappointed, because he didn't do his best. But if he did do his best, and still lost, he wouldn't care. I really believe that. Yet you care, and you criticize him for it, because you are too obsessed with winning.

I know someone will comment, "The only ones that don't care about winning are the losers." Good for you. Let's go have a beer.

Back after suspension

Hey, I'm back. I put myself on one-day probation for Sunday's inappropriate blog. Blog!

Didn't win the Powerball, but someone else did. I'd probably spend most of it at the bar anyway. As long as they give their fair share to Uncle Sam, I am happy.

In case this blog isn't enough for you, I have been published on the Enquirer's Politics Extra blog too, so be sure to check that out.

Update on the Olympics: the internet is killing me. I know that exciting events and thrilling matchups await my television viewing later in the evening. So I force myself to refrain from espn.com alllllll day. But then I'll catch a headline at enquirer.com for get a link on my gmail account proclaiming the day's victors. It sucks. So many exciting things have actually happened this Olympics (halfpipe, snowboardcross, Bode, speed skating) but I have had the news flashed in my face before I was ever able to watch it. I'm sure everyone is experiencing the same problem, and enough people have vented about it already. So I am ending this blog so I can start my next post about Bode...

Weekend highlights

I plead the 5th. Too many people actually check this thing. I also pledge to whoop the ass of the next Steelers fan to wear his puffy Steelers Starter jacket in my face that late at night.

Key lessons learned: as soon as a girl mentions an "online university," whether she "goes to," "works at," or "parties at," just back away slowly, pretend you never met her, and remind yourself that these "universities" do not exist. This advice is based on more than one experience. Trust me.

Biggest news: {This news has been deleted because it was too offensive.}

Luckily, we have several things to look forward to for next weekend: Meaghan Remshard will be in town. I'm not sure who's more excited about this, me, Meaghan, or Tina. Ha! Also, we have Mike's last weekend before he moves out and back home with his parents. He is lucky to be going back to the Nasti, but he cannot be looking forward to hearing how much fun Chris and I are having in DC this summer with all the interns while he is sitting at home with Anne and Tom. And as always, "Operation Dallas" may be finally getting off the ground. Giggity.

Powerball

In case you live on a different planet (or in the Cincinnati bubble), I thought I would let you know that the Powerball is up to $365 million. There are only 146 million combinations and tickets are $1. The immediate cash prize is $177 million. So if you take the time to buy every ticket (and no one else wins) you make $31 million. If I had the money, I'd do it.

[I am sure that someone will comment that our government friends will be taking a much bigger cut than $31 million, but I'm a Democrat and enjoy paying taxes.]

But if you're an Econ major, you understand that the expected value of your return on investment is greater than one. E[x]>1

Therefore, you should buy as many tickets as you can. Since no one will. I at least encourage you to buy one ticket. Since they don't sell them in Ohio or Virginia, you need to go into DC or over to Kentucky.

Here are my numbers: 4 10 17 39 46 powerball: 27

Paul Daugherty

Wow, sorry, last one today, I promise...

After reading Paul Daugherty's column on the North College Hill (#2 in USA Today) vs. Oak Hill Academy (#1 in USA Today) game, I couldn't help but write him an email. Here's the column (you made need to copy & paste):

http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060217/COL03/602170373/1082/SPT

He basically claims that it's not a big deal, it doesn't have the feel of a true high school game, and then he does not want to go. He calls it "just another game." So I emailed him:

:Hey Paul, sounds like someone couldn't get a ticket."

His response: "I'm covering it. I get in for free. Thanks...PD"

Can you believe that?! And don't tell me that the Enquirer is making him go. Paul Daugherty can do whatever he wants, including writing a completely hypocritical article. In fact, this hypocrisy rivals the time that Mike wrote that elaborate explanation for why he voted for Bush and had it published by the Tufts University newspaper. Only Mike didn't even vote, because he didn't want to pay the price of the stamp, and I totally called him out on it on the Tufts website. Good thing the Republican bloc in Cincinnati decided not to change that law in last year's referendum. Nice work, friends.

The real point here is that I now regularly correspond with John Cranley (head city councilman) and Paul Daugherty (bad ass sports columnist). Just stay tuned, for your own sake.

Politics and the Banks

I've posted too much already today, but it's not going to stop...

If you read the Enquirer daily like I do, you've been hearing all about the development of the Banks (between PBS and GABP) down on the river and about the incessant squabbling between city council (mostly Democrats and Charterites) and the county commissioners (mostly Republicans). Naturally, I will side with City Council. I'll admit that both sides have slipped up several times on this deal in this past (obviously, since the land is still a parking lot and there is no plan for development). However, the county is trying to pull it off by themselves, and at least now, the city council just wants everyone to work together. I side with city council, because I realize it will require cooperation between the city and county to get the job done. I don't understand why the county is being so shady. Maybe Mike can shed some light on that when he goes to work for Heimlich in two weeks (until he loses to Pepper). In fact, I wouldn't mind if the two quarrelled until Pepper unseats Heimlich. Then maybe the Democrats can all sit this down and git 'er done. Here's the link:

http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060217/NEWS01/602170417

Either way, I'm quietly hoping that they continue to stall. I am confident that this project will eventually be successful. It is too much of an opportunity to permanently delay. The longer they take, the more time I have to save up money so that I can be the first person to buy a condo in the Banks. Are you serious? Walking distance to both stadiums, downtown, and the nightlife on the river? I will be living there as soon as they get it finished. I will live there until my kids are old enough to need a yard, and then I will move to the suburbs. But I will move back once my kids have all moved away to college. As long as I'm there, we will have plenty of parties. Look forward to seeing you there. You bring the Sam Adams.

Sam Adams

White Ale (the spring seasonal brew) came out last weekend. I had a few last night. True story, I screwed the bottlecap off of two of them. And if you've ever had a bottle of Sammmmay, you know they don't screw off. But I'm a man, so I told Sammy who's boss.

Chuck Norris would have looked at the bottle and it would have lost it's cap, lost it's label, poured itself down Chuck's throat, convinced 11 friends to join him, and then whooped a case of Michelob Ultra's ass.

Keep the Chuck Norris jokes coming by the way. They're great, I love 'em.

Back to Sammy, after a cool White Ale last spring, I was convinced that it was my favorite beer (next to Guinness which will always be #1). Then I had the Summer Ale and was sure it had replaced the White, until autumn. When I had the Oktoberfest, I thought I had discovered the best (to Guinness), but then came winter. I drank Winterfest every night I could find it and even on some mornings. Now spring is coming again the White Ale is back and amazing. Brilliant! I can never compare the seasonal brews, because they are only brewed in season. They are all distinctly different in taste and appearance. But they are all delicious. For the rest of my life, Sam Adams will keep me looking forward to each new season, just like my professional sports. Sweet.

Ultimate Frisbee

Mike and I played tennis again last night. He can take me to a third set, but he can never finish me off. Stop it.

We had to kick some soccer-playing Mexican-Americans off of the tennis court. We asked nicely. They couldn't play on the soccer field because of the Ultimate Frisbee-ers... which brings me to the real post:

I hate sports (and the people that play them) that are only sports because they attract non-athletes when all the real athletes are too busy playing real sports. If you got a group of decent athletes together, you would dominate any college club Ultimate Frisbee team. That, and they take their sport way too seriously. They go around telling people, "Yeah, I play a sport in college. I play ultimate frisbee." How can you play a frisbee? It's not a ball, which implies a game. It's a toy to throw on the beach or with your dog. I hope I didn't offend anyone. And it really doesn't bother that much, but if you're going to do it, please just keep it to yourself. Like a lot of things these days, I'm not going to say you shouldn't do it, though I wouldn't do it myself. Just don't rub it in my face that you're doing it. Ok?

Finally, it's not "ultimate" in any sense of the word. It's throwing frisbee with a lot of people and jogging around while you're doing it. If they tackled each other or played naked, then it would be ultimate. As it is now, it's barely exercise.

Update on my Snow Monster

Real converstion that I overheard between two of my neighbors while walking to the train this morning...

Neighbor 1: Did you see that snowman on the top of the hill on Monday?
Neighbor 2: No, I didn't walk this way Monday.
N1: Oh wow, you should have seen it. This thing was amazing.
N2: Really?
N1: Oh yeah, it wasn't a regular snowman. It was more like a sculpture of a human body. And this thing must have been over 10 feet tall!
N2: Wow, how did they do that?
N1: I don't know, but they must have had a whole team. The top of the head was up over that barb-wire (pointing to the barb-wire at the top of the 8 foot concrete wall).
N2: I wonder how they got up there?
N1: Who knows? And those are the remains of the legs right there (pointing to large chunks of snow on the hill).
N2: The only snow still left. Well, hopefully it will snow again and they'll come back.

Me, to myself: There is a God.

Valentine's Day

I asked several women to be my Valentine, and I think only Grandma said yes. And that's only because she thought I asked, "Is Grandpa napping on the couch?"

So Valentine's Day is the best/worst day to go to the gym during rush hour. (Rush hour at the gym is that time in the early evening just after work hours when the place is packed and you are required to park at the grocery store down the street. Some people hate it. I love it.) So Mike and I were at the gym yesterday during rush hour and there were at least 5 available treadmills. Usually there is a three person wait for a treadmill during rush hour. But then we started looking around and realized that the usual eye candies were absent. No good looking women anywhere. It was like fat and ugly day at Gold's. I suffered and forced myself to read the captions on Teen Jeopardy while trying to run 9.5 mph. I finished the four miles in 26 minutes. Still the fastest in Cheviot, no matter what shoes Tony thinks I'm wearing.

More ruminations on Valentine's Day...
Guys with a g/f may complain about having to buy another present. But guys with no g/f are either buying lots of presents (to keep them all their ladies happy) or are alone with the roommate for Fat & Ugly Day at Gold's Gym. Myself, I bought a huge bag of red suckers on sale today at CVS. That's a Gaybe DiClerico move if I ever saw one.

Mike is Out

I should be working, but I must announce that Mike has been offered a job in the 'Nasti. Though the pay is only a little more than he makes here in DC, Mike now has a girlfriend (in South Africa) and a desire to run a marathon. This means that he never goes out anymore and he might as well be living at home with his parents. This sticks me with basically two S4 cronies and empty upstairs bedroom. If anyone is interested in applying for the room, please get in touch. The rent is only $750. If you're a hot chick that cooks and cleans, the rate is negotiable (depending on your hotness). Get back to me. More on Mike's departure later.

SECRET

Big news today... I was finally granted SECRET clearance. This will give me access to all kinds of special documents that I can never tell any of you about. Actually, this just gives me some good leverage for a better job in the future. Therefore, I have to thank all of you (if any of you) who correctly answered the questions from the DoD investigators. This clearly means that they did NOT call Scherpy, Dave, or any females that I listed. Phew.

In other news, #4 Nova beat #1 UConn tonight. Penn barely lost to Nova. Of Penn's other 5 losses, one was to #1 Duke and another to #25 Colorado. If Penn holds off Princeton and makes the dance, I don't see how you don't pick Ibby Jabber to make the Sweet 16.

Blog it while it's hot

Grey's Anatomy sucks. I only watched because a girl convinced me to. Ok, so it took 4 girls, and I still don't know why I gave in. One on the phone, two on IM, and the roommate sitting next to me all had to end conversation for an hour so they could tune it. To what? To see the nice guy from Early Edition (if Superman didn't exist, he's the next guy you would want to be your friend. In fact, unless Superman can predict winners of college basketball games, you might just want this guy to be your first overall pick) to be portrayed as the bad guy, get killed off, and have NO ONE care about it, is outrageous. But thank goodness Grey was ok, and now she can go back to wondering if she will ever get over a married doctor that somehow saved a guy's life by punching him in the chest after his heart had stopped beating. The only reason I would ever watch this show again is to find out what hospital they work at so that I can avoid it at all costs. From now until NCAA tourney time, my Sunday night will end at 9:30 after Family Guy ends. Reagan punch!

TIMMMMMMMMMMY & TORI!

As I finished that last post, I was interrupted by a phone call from Mr. Nienaber, not mmmmmmm-Jerry, but mmmmmmm-Timmy. He wanted to inform me that he and Tori have finally gotten engaged, FINALLY!!! Congrats to those two!! Awesome. I really look forward to that bachelor party, getting paid to dance at the bachelorette party, and going wild at basically my first non-family wedding.

While we're on the topic of weddings, I should also mention that my cousin Andrew will be marrying one of my friends from St. Martin's on Earth Day. I will be planning the bachelor party soon, and have started gathering thoughts for the big speech. Stay tuned.

SNOW DAY!

My first post, and it's an angry one...

Today, I spent over two hours of my afternoon working my butt off to build a 9 foot tall snow monster. Neither one of my hungover roommates wanted to help. When I finally finished, or at least got tired of jumping as high as I could in snow boots to fix the head, I went inside to grab my camera. When I came back out, a small group of the neighborhood kids were trying to tear it down. I was too angry to confront them; I was afraid I would hurt someone. So I went back inside and ordered a pizza from Papa Johns. I told them I had a buy one/get one free card, but then I didn't give it to them when they delivered. Now I feel a little better.